Last May, Campbell Manning of Hope for Families, shared her own story of dealing with her sons' addictions and she introduced the phrase "Tag You're It!" as the premise for the way parents or other family members approach the shifting of responsibility to others, especially children. Just like the childhood game, one person is "it" and he or she does his or her best to tag another participant, who then becomes the new "it." As you know, no one wants to be "it" for long, so they quickly seek to tag someone else to release the responsibility.
Oftentimes, the parent or loved one of an addict becomes the "IT" and soon finds their hands tied behind their backs, accepting all responsibility for the addictive behavior, mostly to fix it or control it.
In Campbell's experience as a mother and addiction counselor, declaring "Tag You're It" is crucial to stopping the cycle of enabling, rescuing, blaming, and codependency. Symbolically, it's time to "tag you're it" by passing on the responsibility to the addict.
Instead of reacting, take action. Are you one who says your phone is always ringing with requests, complaints, or blaming? "Tag You're It!" by setting limits and boundaries. Are you still on the emotional roller coaster of codependency? "Tag You're It" by helping the addict move toward recovery. Remember,it gets better ONLY when the addict wants it, regardless of how much the family may long for the changes. Look at your role - Are you standing in the way? Do you find it extremely painful to watch the addict struggle even though progress is being made? "Tag You're It" by refusing to relieve the pain by enabling.
Recovery begins when the addict takes responsibility for their situation and decides to improve things. For family members, recovery begins when you choose to accept the powerlessness over the disease of addiction.
"Tag You're It" simply means releasing someone else's responsibility, which is essential to allowing that person to grow and change.
What are you MORE of or LESS of after being on this journey of recovery?
In recovery, we seek more meaningful relationships and spend less time with those who are stuck on frivolous things of little importance. We become much more accepting and less judgmental. We become more willing to ask for help and listen to what others are saying and less likely to try to fix or control. On our journeys, we seek to find serenity and happiness even though someone we love may be suffering. We become more focused on our recovery and Less focused on someone else's.
Applying the slogan "Let it begin with ME" is about being responsible for our own actions and stop focusing so intently on what those around us say, do, feel, and instead put the focus on ourselves. In your own quiet time, what would you say that you are MORE of or LESS of? Take some time to reflect on that and write it down to look back on later in your own journey.
3 questions about gratitude:
What surprised you today? What inspired you today? What touched your heart today? We encourage you to take time to reflect on questions to bring the focus back on those things YOU can control. Lastly, Campbell recited these words from a Cat Stevens' song :
"But take your time, think a lot
Why think of everything you got
For you will be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not"
